Jack and His Crackberry

Shortly after Jack and I started hanging out, he got a Blackberry. Before that he had a regular cell phone that allowed him to check and send text messages every minute on the minute. The Blackberry has the added feature of allowing him to check and send his emails every minute on the minute. That means that, on average, every 30 seconds he is doing something with his phone - and I'm not even counting when he "checks the time" (which is code for "I know you hate it when I check my text messages this often, so let's both pretend I need to know what time it is."). It has been a real joy for me, in case you can't tell. I mean, I am THRILLED with this development in his communication capabilities.

Jack is a trickster, though, because the other day he asked me, "on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how would you rate your satisfaction level with our relationship?"

"A million", I replied.

"No, really, 1 to 10."

"A ten."

"Me too."

"Why did you just ask that?"

"Well, if you rate it a 10 then there's nothing you'd change about it, so you must not really mind it when I check my Blackberry."

Dammit.

Getting to Know Us...

5 Things You Should Know About Jill (according to Jill)

1. Blond (literally).
2. Believes that "being on time" is highly overrated, kind of like "paying attention", and "showering regularly".
3. Used to think that squirrels lived inside hollow trees, despite the fact that there are very few hollow trees around. Feels as though animated TV led her astray by portraying rodents living in tiny human-like houses inside trees.
4. Enjoys planning every last detail of everything under the sun. Spreadsheets are her best friend (and that's only because they can't protest, really). Worries constantly that "things might not go according to plan". This would obviously be disastrous.
5. Enjoyed playing "House", "Adoption Agency", and "Veterinarian" as a child. Also enjoyed putting on plays about the evils of smoking in an effort to get her elders to stop smoking. Still feels personally responsible for that failure - acting has never been her strong suit.

5 Things You Should Know About Jill (according to Jack)

1. She’s vegan. And when she’s hungry, she acts like a starving raccoon in an alley full of empty trash cans. Who was just left by her husband for a young squirrel. And who has PMS. In other words, Jill gets kinda surly when she’s hungry.
2. Has the worst memory known to man.
3. Loves her dog. And by “love” I mean if she had to feed either me or her dog to a pack of wolves, the name of this blog would soon be changed to Spot & Jill.
4. Constantly has the sniffles. Either used to snort cocaine or she’s allergic to cat hair, dog hair, dust, air, sunlight, and water.
5. Secretly wishes she was a professional dancer. Actually, it’s not a secret at all. Often spends three hours a night watching “So You Think You Can Dance” episodes in slow motion.

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5 Things You Should Know About Jack (according to Jack)

1. Momma’s boy.
2. Has an irrational fear that his windshield is going to be shattered by the pressure from the auto-dryer each time he gets his car washed. He’s also scared of elevators, swimming in open bodies of water, and guys who wear jean shorts. But who isn’t?
3. Owns 61 pairs of sneakers.
4. Considers himself to be the best driver in the world. Literally.
5. Has an unnatural obsession with all things peanut butter. Peanut butter & jelly. Peanut butter & crackers. Peanut butter & a spoon. Peanut butter cookies. Peanut butter brownies. Peanut butter sushi.

5 Things You Should Know About Jack (according to Jill)

1. Doesn't just own 61 pairs of sneakers, but proudly displays them as though they are awards won for something like Curing Cancer or Saving Orphans From Blazing Fires. Some pairs are even too special to wear. And should you step on one of his feet whilst he's wearing these precious sneakers, beware - you might just lose your foot. Let me put it this way: if his favorite pair of shoes could type, this blog would quickly be renamed "Jack and His Supras".
2. Is unnaturally attached to his Blackberry. (More on that later, I assure you.)
3. Likes to push my buttons. Has an unnatural talent for quickly identifying what will drive me most insane and then skillfully deploys tactics that will do this in the most effective manner.
4. Lives in a high rise building despite apparent fear of elevators (???).
5. Is metrosexual but refuses to admit it.