Jill Asks Jack About PMS

Jill Asks: When will men finally acknowledge that PMS is real?!!

Jack Answers: This one's easy. I'll acknowledge that PMS is real as soon as you acknowledge that PNS is also real.

What's that? You've never heard of PNS? Well let me fill you in. PNS occurs only in males. It's caused by a change in hormones (i.e., testosterone) once a month. Symptoms of this serious syndrome include:

• A biological need to not wear anything other than sweat pants and cut-off t-shirts.


• A biological need to ask you if our butt looks big in said sweat pants and then sob uncontrollably when you ask a valid clarifying question like, "define big?"


• A biological need to not eat anything other than potato chips and chocolate chip cookie dough vegan ice cream.


• A biological need to then sob uncontrollably when you ask a valid clarifying question like, "does that carton say that a serving size is two quarts, or did you just come up with that on your own?"


• A biological need to spend all day Sunday watching SportsCenter and re-runs of Chevy Chase movies on TNT (i.e., the male equivalent of spending all day Sunday watching It's Me or the Dog and re-runs of Renee Zellweger movies on Oxygen).


• A biological need to then sob uncontrollably when you ask a valid clarifying question like, "How did Clark Griswold bank enough PTO to go on all of these vacations?" (i.e., the female equivalent of asking a valid clarifying question like, "Why does Bridget Jones own so many f'ing diaries?")


• Sudden and painful cramps; these cramps typically occur when men are asked questions like, "Are you ready to go to Bed Bath and Beyond?" (Note: these disabling cramps are similar to the sudden and painful cramps that women suffering from PMS often experience when they're asked questions like "Are you ready to go to bed?")

So...as soon as you and your fellow ladies recognize the seriousness of PNS, we men will also recognize the seriousness of PMS.

Jill's Follow-Up: First of all, I would not put it past you to ask a clarifying question like "define big". This is why I refrain from asking you such things. Secondly, this post explains a lot about all your sobbing I've been putting up with all these months. Maybe scientists need to find a cure for this horrible malady because it certainly is negatively affecting my life. And lastly, I feel an extra bad case of PMS coming on RIGHT NOW. What coincidental timing, huh?!

Jill Asks Jack: What's Wrong with Briefs?

Jill Asks: Why do men prefer boxers over briefs? I happen to think that briefs are quite adorable and yet most men refuse to wear them. Flaunt what your mama gave you, I say! But seriously, why do men have such an negative/surprised reaction when I say, "I like briefs on a man"?

Jack Answers: Before we begin, let's make sure that we're all on the same page. When I reference "briefs," I'm talking about tighty-whiteys, OK? I'm not talking about boxer-briefs, as those are more like boxers than briefs (and boxer-briefs happen to be my underwear-of-choice, thankyouverymuch).

I also want to state up-front that there is a notable exception to the Boxers Over Briefs Rule: working out. Running, jumping, etc. while wearing boxers is about as fun as getting softly kicked in the junk over and over again, so every guy should own at least a few pairs of briefs for when he's physically active.

Now that the nomenclature is clear, let's get to the main point: there are only two types of dudes who should wear briefs on a regular basis: (1) dudes over 50, and (2) dudes who wear really, really, really tight pants. That's it. End of story.

Since I've been in my share of health club locker rooms over the years, I estimate that I've seen roughly 500 different men over the age of 50 in their underwear. And guess how many of them have been wearing briefs? Every. Single. One. Their commitment to briefs is impressive. So impressive that it's become a part of the uniform for the 50+ club. "Oh, look, he's wearing briefs; he must be one of us." Similarly to how I don't want to wear the same style of jeans that my dad wears, I don't want to wear the same style of undies, either.

The only other time it would make sense to wear briefs is if your pants were so tight that the excess boxer material bunched up and made it look like you were wearing a diaper. But since I don't wear TIGHTS to the office, this isn't really a concern of mine.

One other point worth noting: briefs look A LOT like girls' underwear (e.g., the "boy cut" panty at Victoria's Secret looks exactly like a pair of briefs). So maybe your obsession with briefs points to a bigger underlying issue that the two of us should discuss offline, perhaps?

In summary, if you're a fan of briefs, deep-down you're probably attracted to old men, really tight pants, and/or women.

Jill's Follow-Up:
Dear Jack,

There's something I've been wanting to tell you: I think maybe I'm attracted to old women in tight pants. I've thought a lot about your response to this question and I see no other possibility. I thought you should know.

Love, Jill.

Are briefs on men as awesome as Jill thinks they are?
	HECK YEAH!
	Only if you're over 50, like Jack said
	Um, NO. Not awesome at all.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

New Feature Coming on Jack & Jill!

Hi there. We'd like to get you all hot and bothered about something. We've decided to start a new feature here on J & J. Well, it's kind of two new features, but the concept for each is the same:

Jack Asks Jill

Jill Asks Jack

Basically we'll be posing questions to each other, which are to be answered by each party in such a way as to speak for that party's entire gender. Simple, right? Yep, Jack will ask Jill things about women and Jill will ask Jack about men and whatever we say is representative of all men and all women.

I think this will be a winner.

If anyone out there would like to suggest a question or topic, we are open to borrowing and/or outright stealing your questions, so feel free to put them forth!