Friday, December 5, 2008

Jill Asks Jack: What's Wrong with Briefs?

Jill Asks: Why do men prefer boxers over briefs? I happen to think that briefs are quite adorable and yet most men refuse to wear them. Flaunt what your mama gave you, I say! But seriously, why do men have such an negative/surprised reaction when I say, "I like briefs on a man"?

Jack Answers: Before we begin, let's make sure that we're all on the same page. When I reference "briefs," I'm talking about tighty-whiteys, OK? I'm not talking about boxer-briefs, as those are more like boxers than briefs (and boxer-briefs happen to be my underwear-of-choice, thankyouverymuch).

I also want to state up-front that there is a notable exception to the Boxers Over Briefs Rule: working out. Running, jumping, etc. while wearing boxers is about as fun as getting softly kicked in the junk over and over again, so every guy should own at least a few pairs of briefs for when he's physically active.

Now that the nomenclature is clear, let's get to the main point: there are only two types of dudes who should wear briefs on a regular basis: (1) dudes over 50, and (2) dudes who wear really, really, really tight pants. That's it. End of story.

Since I've been in my share of health club locker rooms over the years, I estimate that I've seen roughly 500 different men over the age of 50 in their underwear. And guess how many of them have been wearing briefs? Every. Single. One. Their commitment to briefs is impressive. So impressive that it's become a part of the uniform for the 50+ club. "Oh, look, he's wearing briefs; he must be one of us." Similarly to how I don't want to wear the same style of jeans that my dad wears, I don't want to wear the same style of undies, either.

The only other time it would make sense to wear briefs is if your pants were so tight that the excess boxer material bunched up and made it look like you were wearing a diaper. But since I don't wear TIGHTS to the office, this isn't really a concern of mine.

One other point worth noting: briefs look A LOT like girls' underwear (e.g., the "boy cut" panty at Victoria's Secret looks exactly like a pair of briefs). So maybe your obsession with briefs points to a bigger underlying issue that the two of us should discuss offline, perhaps?

In summary, if you're a fan of briefs, deep-down you're probably attracted to old men, really tight pants, and/or women.

Jill's Follow-Up:
Dear Jack,
There's something I've been wanting to tell you: I think maybe I'm attracted to old women in tight pants. I've thought a lot about your response to this question and I see no other possibility. I thought you should know.
Love, Jill.
Are briefs on men as awesome as Jill thinks they are?
Only if you're over 50, like Jack said
Um, NO. Not awesome at all.
Free polls from


You can call me, 'Sir' said...

Boxer briefs FTW.

You're exactly right about the gym/running trauma that boxers inflict upon 'the boys'. This is just one reason that boxer briefs are the best possible answer to every underwear-based question.

Chief Rock Chef said...

At 45 I guess I am pushing 50, which might explain why I like briefs.

Boxers are a waste of time - they let everything flop all over the place and get into awkward positions that then need constant adjusting.

Why are most men constantly fiddling with themselves?

Because they are wearing boxers!

(Sorry if that spoilt a future post of yours!)

I like to sort things out and know they are going to stay there!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I love boxer briefs on a guy. Tres sexy!! My second choice would have to be boxers.

For some reason breifs do nothing for me.

pistols at dawn said...

I was going to try and defend boxers, because my crotch is like a young America - it needs plenty of room for its westward expansionism - but then I realized I don't ever work out or do any of the things Jack (I'm sure) ably complained about.

So, for lethargic men who get short of breath walking up two flights of stairs, boxers are the way to go. If it's any consolation, most of us will probably be over 50 when we die, so we'll be buried in briefs.

Jack and Jill said...

SIR - I do like the boxer briefs as well. They are super sexy.

CHIEF - I think briefs are more of a European thing. That and you are a smart man!

TEE - Maybe you just haven't seen them on the right man? Rowr!

PISTOLS - Good point.


surviving myself said...

Boxer briefs are clearly the best, and Jack is right - old dudes love their briefs. It's almost eerie.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

OH I have to take Jack's view on this one. Briefs are wrong unless they're the soft, fitted, boxer variety he mentioned. Young guys in briefs are either geeky or the sort of guy who enjoys prancing around in a Speedo at the beach.

HOWEVER, I think briefs probably are 100% more comfy than boxers for a guy, providing you don't have a car accident and someone has to undress you and see them.

JenBun said...

Jill, I love you (you KNOW I love you!), but I have to go with Jack...

The sight of a nice Boy Butt in boxer-briefs? One of the sexiest sights I can think of!!!


I have to go...

rs27 said...

I wear briefs when i work out or play sports. There's no way you can wear boxers doing that because the material gets in the way.

Thats my story and i'm sticking to it.

Luvvie (aka Queen IG) said...

For once, I actually side with Jack. A grown man wearing whities briefs is not only unsexy but laughable. Hip hip hooray to men that rock boxer briefs (and fill them out properly. Thats important).

Anonymous said...

New question for Jack: Are you gay?

Wreggie said...

I had no idea about the briefs thing over 50. I should have thrown my boxers out two years ago and switched to tighty whities.

I started wearing them decades ago for the freedom.

I have to switch now to briefs since I am 52. Shit!

Dingo said...

Jack, I know this post is about briefs/boxer briefs/tighty whities, etc. but something is bothering me. Is that a true rendition of you? Do you really have NO chest hair at all? I think that should be your next post. "Chest Hair on Men: Yeah or Nay?"

choofy said...

YAY YAY YAY to chest hair

Anonymous said...

Oh how i love myself a man in boxer briefs. jill, you are strange!


Mc Allen said...

umm, depends. when I met the hubbs he wore them and they were all gray, he washed all of his clothes together. I thin k it kinda ruined I prefer boxer briefs!! :) great post! Love the visuals. LA

peterdewolf said...

I just wear a sock on my rig.

Chili Peppers style!

Adorably Bitter said...

My vote is with Jack this time! I just think boxers look so much better on a guy.