Sunday, December 21, 2008

Jack Asks Jill About Women's Clothing

Jack Asks: At what age do women decide to stop shopping in the "Juniors" section and start shopping in the Women's section? And why are so many of the clothes in the Women's section unflattering, dull, and sometimes downright hideous?

Jill Answers: This is a hard question. Are we supposed to ask each other hard questions? I thought this was just for fun? I have a headache.

Okay, okay, let's get on with it. I've actually often wondered this same thing. I mean, upon someday birthing a child, will I suddenly acquire a fondness for heavily patterned holiday sweaters and pleated pants? Will menopause bring with it a penchant for muu-muus and bad haircuts? Do older men suddenly become attracted to this type of attire and that's why women wear it? Will I have to wear gigantic white cotton underwear too?

Okay, I know that last one has you hyperventilating since you almost lost it when I said I might purchase some Spanx. Calm down for a minute.

Anyway, here's what I've come up with as an answer to your question -- I used to try get my mom (who is pretty young for a mother of a 32 year old) to wear hip, cute clothes. She'd put them on and I'd ooh and aah over how awesome she looked. Then she'd scrunch up her face in the mirror, tug on the "tight" shirt, and say she felt fat or that she looked like she was "trying too hard to look young". You see, there are a couple of things to know about my mom: 1) she used to be a size 4; 2) she used to be quite the snazzy dresser in her day. She's not a large woman now, but she's certainly no size 4, 32 years and 4 kids later, you know? I think in her mind she feels like she can't dress trendy anymore because she doesn't look how she used to look. This, to me, seems absurd. Is she a tiny 20 year old size 4? No, but that doesn't mean she can't look cute & trendy. I mean, I'm not encouraging her to wear mini skirts and tube tops here, just to wear shirts that, oh, I don't know, FIT. Instead, a lot of the time she masks her no longer size 4 body in XXL sweat shirts. Ridiculous, I say!

So...what's my point? I am guessing that sometimes women feel like if they don't look like they did when they were 20, they should dress "more appropriately". The problem here is that their idea of "more appropriately" isn't really....appropriate. Flaunt what yer mama gave you, right? Just because you're 50+ years old and gravity has taken a toll doesn't mean that you can't be a hot mama! Right?

That's what I'm going with, because I plan to squeeze my ass into corset tops and stripper heels even when I'm 50. That seems like a good idea, right? Maybe that's not exactly what you meant....

Jack Follows-Up: For the record, older men DO NOT suddenly become attracted to heavily patterned holiday sweaters, pleated pants, or gigantic white underwear that could also be worn as bike shorts. Also, the idea that older women "don't want to dress too young" confuses me. Who said anything about trying to look young? Just try to look attractive, OK? And by "try to look attractive," I mean try to never, ever, ever wear mom jeans.


Anonymous said...

Funny stuff. Thank you for finally posting, Miss Jill.

VernettaSabryna said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


You can call me, 'Sir' said...

Oh, the mom jeans. No wonder so many married men drink heavily.

Also, y'know what they say: Every time VernetteSabryna comments on your blog an angel gets his wings! Hooray!!

choofy said...

i can see those reasons, jill. the first phase of conditioning to dress like garbage comes from trying to fit in at work.

it's not one big jump from teens to womens world but different tiers sprawled around dept stores.

jack, no knocking spanx or control top panty hose. they are completely flattering in slinky dresses and give that extra go-ahead-and-touch-my-back-fat confidence. what guy doesn't want that?

JenBun said...

My mom went in reverse somehow-- growing up she wore pretty typical Mom garb.

Then all of a sudden she discovers Banana Republic, non-mom jeans and, ahem, Forever 21. (Oh, and now H&M.) (She works at a University-- I blame their influence!)

She has always looked good... but now she dresses great!

You're gonna look nifty at fifty, Jilly-O! ;)

Jen said...

Oh Jeebus. Mom jeans.

I really get depressed shopping these days. I am too old and a bit too big for the juniors department these days. No, really. They don't make my size, though I heart many of their styles. HOWEVER, the women's section is so hideous that I have heart palpating nightmares just walking towards that direction!

What is a women to do? Really? I've started White House/Black Market, but everything is white and black. Color is nice once in a while. Buying on line is even tougher, b/c no size seems to be a true size. . .

I am doomed. Maybe this is why Jack must ask this question. We are all doomed.

Luvvie (aka Queen IG) said...

The women's section is scary @ me. I'm on the skinny side, so the size 2s always look like tents on me. Plus, pleated pants make me sweat and freak out. Thus, I am still a proud shopper of the junior's section.

However, my business stuff is from The Limited (which is great b/c their stuff fits well and includes to pleats)

Naturally Sarcastic said...

I remember asking my mom when I would be old enough to jump from the kiddie section to the juniors section... and that day didn't come until I could no longer fit into the kiddie clothing. It only took til the 8th grade.

Now, I'm in this weird in-between size that's a hair too big for juniors and extremely too small for the womens and I get tired and frustrated just walking into the mall. So whenever I need clothes(read: shirts and going out clothes)... I buy a pair of shoes!

Jack and Jill said...

ANON - My pleasure.

VERNETTA - I totally believe you! So glad you like the blog!

SIR - Awww, angels! Wings!

CHOOFY - I do enjoy the Spanx.

JENBUN - You have a cool mom!

JEN - I like White House Black Market, but yeah, sometimes you need some color. I saw a red dress there once. ONCE.

NS - Nothing wrong with new shoes!

pistols at dawn said...

I can't get enough of a woman in holiday sweaters and high-waisted slacks, but that's usually because those women are very old and I hate long-term relationships.

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