Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Take Two: Amongst Friends

Jill's Take

Recently Jack and I were discussing whether or not it would be okay if his friend gave me a professional massage. His friend is only a professional massage therapist in this hypothetical situation, mind you, but somehow this still came up as a reasonable thing to discuss.

My feeling was that it would be awkward and, well, inappropriate. I've had enough professional massages to know that there is always a certain level of nudity involved, and, if you play your cards right, some making out. Seems to me that that wouldn't be appropriate considering the nature of my relationship with Jack (acquaintances?). What's more is that I don't think I'd want his friend to give me a massage (no offense, buddy). Wouldn't it just be weird?

"Not even if it were free?" Jack asked.

"No, I don't think so. I don't want him to see me mostly naked. Wouldn't you be uncomfortable with that?"

"What if he were the best massage therapist in the country?"

"I'd see the 2nd best I guess."

Then it became a challenge for Jack--under what circumstances would I let his friend see me mostly naked? The conversation jumped from the friend being the #1 massage therapist in the country to the #1 gynecologist in the country. And suddenly I had a major problem with my vagina. Great, now I'm dying of a vagina disease in this hypothetical situation! JUST GREAT.

At any rate, am I a prude or is Jack trying to hook me up with his friend?

Jack's Take

Is it just me, or has Jill watched one too many late-night movies on Cinemax? I mean, seriously, what kind of world is she living in? One in which every mundane situation is only a few synthesizer chords away from turning into a steamy baby-making session, apparently.

In reality, here's what happens when Jill gets a massage from a professional masseuse:

  • She changes into a robe and lies down on a table
  • The masseuse goes about his or her business in a professional (i.e., non-erotic) manner
  • 60 minutes later, Jill leaves feeling more relaxed and the masseuse leaves $80 richer

And yet, somehow, here's what happens -- at least in Jill's mind -- when she gets a massage from my friend:

  • She changes into a robe and lies down on a table
  • Upon entering the room, my homeboy trips on the shag carpet and spills a bottle of hot oil all over Jill
  • Rather than simply towel off the excess oil, Jill naturally decides to get butt nekkid and "air dry"
  • Overcome by Jill's nekkidness and stunning beauty, my friend ignores the fact that he and I have been BFFs for years and turns into The Ladies Man
  • 60 minutes later, Jill leaves with a baby daddy

Umm...right. That sounds quite plausible. I totally get where you're coming from. Not.

You're cute, Jill. But so cute that a good friend of mine wouldn't be able to keep his professional hands off you upon seeing your shoulders exposed? Nobody's that cute.

Oh well...I guess it's a good thing that none of my friends are world-class bikini waxers. Now THAT could potentially be awkward...


sid said...

LOL! Jack is hilarious BUT I agree with Jill. It's not that I think every guy wants to jump me. It's just that I wouldn't want to disrobe in front of a non professional

The Diva's Thoughts said...

You two are very funny. lol Although I see where Jack is coming from and I'm very sure nothing inappropriate would happen in such a situation I do also see Jill's point of view. It's not that I'd think something would happen, I just wouldn't want my man's friend to see me half nekkid nor have his hands on me. Professional capacity or otherwise.

surviving myself said...

Jill's right.

Naked women have been the downfall of many a friendship.

Jack and Jill said...

SID - Thanks for backing me up.

DIVA - I don't actually think anything would happen either, but it would definitely be WEIRD.

SURVIVING - I really am that cute. That's the main problem here. "Problem", rather.


JenBun said...

So, we know that (hypothetically) this dude is the number-one massage therapist/hoo-ha doctor in the country, capable of curing all diseases by just LOOKING at Jill's naked ass, but no one ever answered the most important question...

Is he hot?

territerri said...

I have to side with Jill on this one. I don't care how professional the BFF is; no one wants to socialize later with someone who has seen their private parts if that someone is not someone you want to make out with.

Ali said...

Um, I don't know how other people get massaged, but in my experience, there is no viewing of EXTREME private parts by my masseuse.
And if I have some sort of strange vajayjay disease, you can be damn sure I want the best taking care of me.
So...I think I'd be letting Jack's bff both massage me and take care of my nether regions...but I'm pervy like that.

Jack and Jill said...

JENBUN - Ah, I would expect you to ask that! :-)

TERRI - See? Totally weird, I'm tellin' ya.

ALI - Pervy indeed!

CC said...

i am the queen of awkward i think i have the authority to say that i'm pretty sure there is huge potential for awkwardness. I'm sure Jack's friend is professional, however, something embarrassing could totally happen involving nakedness or an accidental hand slip and well..then Jill would have to face that guy again...AWKWARD!

~Angela~ said...

What kind of professional massage includes making out, and where can I get one?

Jack and Jill said...

CC - Queen of Awkward?? We might have to fight for that title!

ANGELA - I can't give away that secret!


HRT said...

Jill, you are quite possibly the most paranoid, prude on the planet. (Like that alliteration?) If you truly were to see a professional masseuse, in my mind that's no different than seeing a professional mechanic, or a professional locksmith, or a professional jeweler. So, if you have no problem showing off your shocks, locks or rocks then getting a nice rubdown (non-sexual) should not be a problem.
95% of masseuses clients are SOMEbody's g'friend/wife/lover. Geesh, you midwesterners are uptight.

Anonymous said...

Jill there is no right answer to Jacks direct question. the real question in jacks head is meant to be answered in your disposition and non verbal communication.

follow the isp addy for the successful negotiation of Jacks khanician puzzle and i will forward you a paypal request.

Amanda said...

Coming from experience I have to vote for Jill on this one. My ex used to get massages from his really good friend's girlfriend. I thought it was totally inappropriate and he used to scream at me about it.

Turns out they were banging.

There are some things just too intimate to share with your significant other's friends. I know I make kinda sex noises when I get a massage. I don't want his friends knowing that!