Thursday, November 6, 2008

So I'm Dating a Memory Murderer

Jill and I were cruising around in my ‘64 Chevy Impala ’06 Nissan Altima, listening to some smooth R&B, when Jazmine Sullivan’s new song "Bust Your Windows" came on. For those of you unfamiliar with said song, here’s a sampling of Ms. Sullivan’s lyrics:

I bust the windows out your car
You know I did it ‘cause I left my mark
Wrote my initials with the crowbar
And then I drove off into the dark

What happened next is what we in the business call a “red flag.” Jill started singing along with A LOT of passion in her voice. (Jill normally just hums along to the tune – typically because she doesn’t remember any of the words – so it seemed extremely alarming when she started channeling her inner-Jennifer Hudson to this particular song.)

The whole song is about the joys of damaging an ex’s property. And since Jill ended up singing the last two choruses at the top of her lungs (“I BUST THE WINDOWS OUT YOUR CAR”), I naturally had to ask her if she’d ever damaged an ex’s property.

I was thinking she might say something like “I stole his favorite CD” or “I rubbed his toothbrush in my armpit.” Clearly I underestimated her. What Jill admitted to doing can only be described by two words: pure evil. Here’s what she told me:

“I had an ex-boyfriend who went on a vacation with his new girlfriend. When he got back into town, we got together and he wanted to show me some of his photos. While I was acting like I was scanning through his pictures, I was actually deleting all of his photos from the memory card! He got pretty upset, but I just acted like it was an accident. And I have to admit I felt pretty good afterwards!”

Excuse me? Who does that? Someone who’s evil, that’s who.

What if he had a once-in-a-lifetime image stored on that memory card? What if it was a picture of him and his dying grandma? What is Jill going to do to me if we ever decide to go our separate ways? Wait a second…maybe her telling me this story is just her way of using a fear tactic to lock me down? Hmm…

Jill's Two Cents:

What Jack isn't mentioning is that this "new girlfriend" was procured prior to breaking up with the old girlfriend (i.e., ME). So, let's check the score:

This guy broke my heart into a million little pieces by cheating on me, then took pictures of them together and waved it in my face.
I deleted a few pictures of his [wildly unattractive] new girlfriend from his camera.

I'd say that made us STILL NOT EVEN CLOSE TO EVEN. But now I guess I probably shouldn't tell Jack all the follow up things I did to even the score. Sheesh! Ya tell a guy you destroyed a few memories and he gets all paranoid!

Also, I've decided not to leave my toothbrush unattended anymore. Are you pit-swabbing it?!?!?


Cayman's Girl said...

Deletion of said pictures WELL DESERVED!!!

The Odd Duck said...

I agree with the CG. The whole two-timing issue is completely acceptable as a mitigating circumstance.

- Kendall

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

I hate to do this, but I'm going to side with Jill on this one.

Al said...

But, if his new girlfriend was really that ugly, then deleting the photos would be erasing the proof that he is, indeed, dating an ugly woman.

I think that NOT deleting the photos would be worse punishment in this case. By not deleting the photos, Jill would have been damning him to a lifetime of having to look at a still image of the unbelievable ugliness.

So ... if you think about it, she was doing him a favor by deleting those photos.

Either that, or she is satan incarnate. And speaking as a photographer who would die of depression if a single one of his photos ever disappeared forever, I'm going to go with that one.

JenBun said...

I gotta side with Jill on this one, too.

I punished a guy by deleting all pictures of ME off all his electronics.

Harsh punishment indeed, but he didn't deserve them anymore!

So there. Well done, Jill.

(And why have I not heard this song?!?)

Chief Rock Chef said...

Jill is totally justified in doing that and a lot more, IMO!

Have you listened to "You oughta know" by Alanis Morrisette? That is a classic!

Jack and Jill said...

CAYMAN's - Thank you!

ODD DUCK - I win!

SIR - I know that was very painful for you.

AL - Well, yes, I thought of that, and in some ways I WAS doing him a favor. However, since HE clearly didn't think she was attractive, in his eyes it was not so much a favor. So I still feel pretty awesome about it.

JENBUN - It's an awesome song - youtube it or something!!

CHIEF - Thanks for backing me up, and yes, a great song indeed!


Moroni said...

You are playing with fire Jack. GET OUT NOW!!!
where'd you get those shoes I saw you in that one time, those were fabulous! I need a pair.

DanjerusKurves said...

I say the stupid-ex deserved it since there is not much more annoying than (a) having to look at somebody else's vacation photos; and (3) on a tiny little bloody camera screen!!!!

Reese said...

What happened next is what we in the business call a “red flag.”

LOL, i had the same feeling when i heard that song playing on my soundock one morning while my miss was getting ready for the day. it unnerved me a bit....but i will keep my things far far away from her if we ever broke up, for any reason :)

Jason said...

I'd pay money to have Jill rub my toothbrush in her pits. Just sayin'.

KindredSmile said...

I totally think it could have been worse. I might have broken the camera...and then his nose.

Naturally Sarcastic said...

heartbreak in itself is the pits... deleting a few pictures...he should have been glad that "it was alll she diiid". (<---singing along with the song)

I've personally done way more, none that I can mention or say out loud seeing as how it has yet to be discovered that I'm the culprit...and we'll keep it that way!

Did I feel better afterwards...HELLS YEAH!!! Do I care that I may have potential ruined a fellow female's reputation? Nope..she played herself on that one G.
Am I a better person for it?? Probably not, but I sleep like a baby every night!

peterdewolf said...

Someone cheats on you, all bets are off. I think that not cramming the camera (and potentially the ugly girlfriend) up his ass showed an amazing amount of restraint.

CC said...

I'm with Jill on this one. Cheating = Revenge....actually Jill was pretty decent in her revenge, she could've done much worse!

Hollywood Sucker said...

I only wish I had the opportunity to delete pics from my ex!

sid said...

What Jill did was nothing. The toothbrush thing however is disgusting.