Monday, February 23, 2009

Jill Knows Her A-B-Cs

Hola. Jack here. Normally my posts are rather light (i.e., stupid). But today’s is quite heavy: Jill has a serious problem, and I’m not sure how to help her.

What is Jill’s ailment, you ask? She can’t stop spelling words out loud.

It all started innocently enough. Jill’s dog can’t spell, you see. So when Jill wanted to slip something by Spot, she’d spell it out.

“After lunch, maybe we should take him to the p-a-r-k?”

Or, “since it’s 3:00 a.m. and snowing outside, I think it’s your turn to take him out for a w-a-l-k?”

Recently, however, there have been a couple of disturbing developments. First off, Jill is starting to think Spot has a bigger vocabulary than he does. I think Spot’s vocabulary consists of six words: treat, water, out, walk, park, and potty. Jill thinks Spot’s vocabulary consists of thousands of words, including m-e-d-i-c-a-t-i-o-n and g-r-i-l-l-e-d-t-e-m-p-e-h. And quite frankly I’m not the best speller, so it’s getting hard to keep up.

Secondly – and most disturbingly – Jill has started spelling words out loud even when Spot isn’t around. Last week the two of us were dining at a nice restaurant when Jill casually asked, “Will you give me a back rub tonight after I take Spot out for his w-a-l-k?” Concerned – and confused – I quickly checked under the table to see if Spot had in fact actually sneaked inside the restaurant without me noticing.

I wish I was making this up. But I’m not. Please help.


Sprite said...

T-h-a-t-'-s k-i-n-d o-f c-u-t-e.

rs27 said...

I would probably commit homicide if I heard that.

You're a better man than I.

choofy said...

hahha, i'm with sprite :)

Al said...

My wife and I spell things out in front of our 2 1/2 year old all the time. One day we were driving in the car and she (my wife) was talking to her dad on the phone and, in the process of trying to tell him what he should get me for Christmas, spelled out k-n-i-f-e (for food preparation).

I informed her that I could spell.

I thought that was funny. Yours is better.

pistols at dawn said...

Maybe she thinks you're 7, and is hoping to confuse you, drawing focus away from her being so needy by giving you complex problems to solve.

Lil' Woman said...

Lol..that's too funny! :)

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should start spelling simply words like "t-h-e" or "a-n-d." She may get it then, ha. Us girls can be pretty damn oblivious.

Chief Rock Chef said...

Jill is a slightly mad animal lover - don't look so shocked - it goes with the territory, I am afraid!

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

Jill's sort of a F-R-E-A-K, isn't she?

Anonymous said...

I just feel bad for Spot. He's the real victim in all of this.


Coolred38 said...

I suggest you get Jill some h-e-l-p ASAP

I looked it up in my medical book...its called

spelleveryotherworditis and is dangerously careful...and always wash you hands after coming into contact with her....good luck