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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Darth Vader Does Hot Yoga

I love yoga. I really do. Not only is it a good workout, but it has a calming effect on me - something I am in dire need of on a daily basis because I am, apparently, "high-strung". So the other night Jack (yes, I got him to go back!) and I went to what was supposed to be a nice, calming, relaxing hot yoga class at my yoga studio (did that just make me sound pretentious? It did, didn't it?).

But do you know what happened? Some heavy breathing jerkface decided to take the same class, and instead of relaxing, I spent the entire 60 minutes a) trying to figure out which a-hole it was making all the Darth Vaderesque noises, and b) imagining myself walking on over to him and kicking him in the head mid-downward-dog. Not exactly relaxing, although picturing that did make me giggle inside because REALLY, what do you think would happen if I did that?

But I digress.

I don't know why I let things like this bother me. OkYesIDo: I seriously have NEVER heard anyone breathe that loudly. Ever. And I used to work in a health-care facility where there were people with emphysema and oxygen tanks for crying out loud! No healthy human being should be breathing that loudly, I don't care what our yoga instructor recommends.

After yoga, I was a little concerned that Jack hadn't noticed Darth Vader in our class. He clearly wasn't as insanely upset about it as I was. Maybe he has hearing problems, I was starting to think! (That would actually explain quite a few things.) Once we were in the car I politely asked him, "DIDN'T THAT DARTH VADER A-HOLE ANNOY THE BEJEEBIES OUT OF YOU???"

"Yeah, who was that anyway?"

THANK GOD. I was starting to wonder if I was a crazy person - this puts that to rest! Right?

14 comments:

dmb5_libra said...

d-vader needs to relax too! all that death star business can be quite tiring.

Luvvie (aka Queen IG) said...

Hmm... are you SURE Jack wasn't the Darh Vader?? Things that make you go hmmm...

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

You're supposed to be relaxing, homegirl, not focusing on Johnny WheezAlot.

And who cares? WHO. CARES. Let the dude gasp until the reaper finally releases him from his overworked lungs. It's not your problem, so stop making it so. I think you need to drink more.

Hollywood Sucker said...

But don't you have one of those little dogs thats always breathing hard and snarfling everywhere? I thought heavy breathing was your thing.

Jack and Jill said...

DMB - Good point...

LUVVIE - That would be a mean, clever trick. It sounds just like something he'd do, actually.

SIR - I'm gonna punch you in the neck! And then have a drink.

HOLLYWOOD - Yes, but it's cute when HE does it. Not so cute coming from a grown man.

-Jill

JenBun said...

I totally thought the story was going to end with it being Jack...

Courtney said...

HAHAHA you guys crack me up. Seriously. This post reminds me of an experience of mine at college where the room mate had a tiny but persistent throat-clearing cough at 5 O'CLOCK IN THE DAMN MORNING. Needless to say she had my entire stash of Halls cough drops chucked at her at around 6 when my patience finally broke.

Chief Rock Chef said...

Darth Vader does hot yoga? No wonder he turned to The Dark Side! I mean, you never saw Yoda or Obi-wan doing HOT yoga did you? Gentle meditation, yes, but...

You get the picture :-)

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

LOL!

Sounds like Darth Vader needed to be drop kicked in his forhead and told to quiet down.

peterdewolf said...

Vader does pilates. Pffft. Everyone knows that.

surviving myself said...

I would have punched him.

Violence solves everything Jill.

Everything.

Jack and Jill said...

JENBUN - That would have been funnier for the sake of the post, but pretty devastating, really, for the sake of our relationship.

COURTNEY - Hahaha. I love it!

CHIEF - Good point.

TEE - Agreed!

PETER - I wish it were true!

SURVIVING - I knew I could count on you to agree with me.

-Jill

sid said...

Think it would have pissed me off too. Maybe the person had a deviated septum? Or maybe the person was looking for attention?

Sprite said...

I thought you were going to end with Jack confessing it was him.