Thursday, October 9, 2008

Making a List, Checking it Twice

Remember that post I wrote about Free Passes? (If not, click here.) Well…based on suggestions from some of you, Jack (reluctantly) and I (more reluctantly) agreed to document our lists of celebrities we'll be able to hook up with guilt-free. And, of course, these lists wouldn't be complete without snarky commentary from each other, so here you go!

Jill's List (with observations by Jack):

1) Michael Vartan (photo)
Who? Is this guy even a celebrity? Or does he actually work at the falafel place by your house and you're just calling him a celebrity so you can have a free pass? I'm on to you, woman.

2) Christian Bale (photo)
Umm…search "Christian Bale The Machinist" and tell me if you still feel the same way. You can hook-up with any celebrity in the world and this guy made your Top 5? Seriously?

3) David Beckham (photo)
I hate to break it to you, but hooking up with Mr. Beckham would NOT automatically make you a member of the Spice Girls.

4) Matt Damon (photo)
I'm sure his WIFE AND TWO KIDS will be flattered by how much interest you have in their HUSBAND and DADDY. Home-wrecker.

5) Tom Welling (photo)
This dude is best-known for playing a character who wears head-to-toe spandex. Enough said.

Jack's List (with observations by Jill):

1) Norah Jones (photo)
If I say something bad about your precious Norah I have a feeling you'll toss me out like yesterday's I'll go ahead and leave this one alone.

2) Beyonce (photo)
Does it make you sad that instead of hooking up with you, she's married to someone who looks like this? I mean, that guy is UG-LY. Talented, but not much to look at. Anyway, it would make me sad, that's for sure. Although this probably increases your chances with her should you ever find yourself with an opportunity....crap.

3) Scarlett Johansson (photo)
Oh, honey, Scarlett? Really? This is very upsetting to me. This girl thinks that Barack Obama actually emailed back and forth with her. In all his free time. Right. And they're engaged too. I actually think all those blond jokes were written about her specifically. And if you try again to convince me that she's smart because Woody Allen says so, I'm going to remind you that he's super old and she has big boobies. The end.

4) Alicia Keys (photo)
Your list is starting to make me wonder if you realize you're dating the palest, blondest girl in America who can't sing or play any kind of musical instrument. You do know I don't have any musical talents, right?

5 - tie) Jessica Alba (photo)
YOU DON'T GET SIX. Let's just get rid of Scarlett and keep these two, huh? Wait a minute - she has a baby - who's the home wrecker now?!

5 - tie) Zooey Deschanel (photo)
YOU DON'T GET SIX. Cheater! If you meet Zooey you only get to hug her. Same with Jessica Alba - since they apparently are only half of a person each. HUGS ONLY. Your little plan just backfired!


Anonymous said...

Jack can totally have 6 if there is a tie, Jill. Sheesh.

Personally I would have a tie at every position.

Chief Rock Chef said...

Strange, very strange!

lengli said...

Michael Vartan--yes. Just yes. Jack better figure out who he is and quickly because I don't know one female who wouldn't say yes to Vartan THISFAST.

CC said...

ugh, scarlett johassan? what is it about that girl? seriously every guy i know is in to her...i think she's sort of creepy...and a terrible actress. no offense jack.

kudos to jill for having a creative and original list. except for matt damon but he's fantastically hot and seemingly normal for being incredibly famous, so he's a must on any list!

JenBun said...

I actually like more of Jacks picks than Jills.

1. Yes
2. No
3. No
4. YES!
5. no

You like the pretty dudes!

1. I actually didn't even know what Norah Jones looked like before now.
2. OK.
3. Yes. Jill, she's HOT! Big boobies. Blonde. We LIKE that! (Hee hee!)
4. NO!
5. Yes!
6. YES! I love her. You can keep her.

Jill, you should hurry up and add an alternate too! ;)

rs27 said...

As a dude I have to say, Jack could do a lot better with his picks.

just sayin.

Julie_Gong said...

i don't get norah jones but i second the david beckham!

Luvvie (aka Queen IG) said...

Ok, Jack can DEF not get 6 picks. NOT FAIR!!! And I am sooo disappointed in Jill's list. I only agreed with David Beckham, and he seems like he'd be good for a one night stand b/c you'd be too irritated to deal with his arrogance.

Anonymous said...

When my boyfriend chose Scarlett Johanson, or however you spell it, I felt SO FRIGGIN GORGEOUS!

I was like, "Really? That's your choice? Go for it."

She is, to quote Clueless, "a full-on Monet."

No Justin Timberlake? What!? Haha. He would be my #1.

Jack and Jill said...

PETER: Then I get a tie too!

CHIEF - I knew you'd think so. :-)

LENGLI - I know, right? Sooo sexy!

CC - I'm glad we're on the same page.

JENBUN - My alternate: Citizen Cope. And yes, I do like the pretty guys.

RS27 - Did you just dis Norah Jones? Jack is gonna be SO pissed!

JULIE - Nomnomnom.

LUVVIE - Disappointed?? Who would YOU pick?

AMINDI - I LOVE that you just quoted Clueless. That movie is not quoted nearly often enough.

surviving myself said...

Norah Jones? Boring! I bet she'd start telling some dumb story and you'd be so bored by it you'd pass out instead of having sex.

M&M said...

hahaha you guys are hilarious. love both your writing styles. adding you to my bloglist now! keep up the great work!! :]

Jack and Jill said...

SURVIVING MYSELF - Jack is more or less in love with Ms. Jones, you are treading on thin ice here!

M&M - Thanks for stopping by and adding us to your links. We look forward to checking out your blog too!


sid said...

I get why he'd want to hook up with most of these chicks except Norah ...
Michael Vartan?

Ali said...

Jill, you have some damn good taste! Except for Christian Bale - he frightens me for some reason.

And Jack, I get the Norah Jones fixation, really. But Beyonce? Eeew. I agree with Jill, anyone that would marry Jay-Z (shudder) has got to be messed up. But then just want to do her...not get to know her...