Thursday, April 2, 2009

Let's Talk About POOP, Baby!

Jack and I will often walk Spot together in the evening right before bedtime. If the weather is nice, this can be a lovely ending to the night, and we dilly dally while Spot finds the place that is special enough to receive his waste. We chat, we stroll, and it’s all very nice. When the weather is NOT nice, as has been the case for the past 5-6 months, we are not quite as patient. In fact, we are downright impatient, and want Spot to hurry it up and go as fast as possible so that we can run back inside and be warm and comfortable again. Spot usually doesn’t care what we think, so he takes his sweet time either way.

The other night was one such evening, and it occurred to me that I have a habit of yelling strange things during my conversations with Jack when I want Spot to do his business:

“Jack, don’t forget that tomorrow we said we’d go to – SPOT, POOP ALREADY! - that happy hour with Katie and her husband, okay?”

“Yeah, I remember. That should be fun.”

“I think it will, yeah. – POOPY POOPY POOP, SPOTTY WOTT! – Also, we should think about what we want to do this – I SAID POOP – weekend. Any ideas?”

“Well, I was thinking we could maybe go on a bike ride at some point.”

“YOU ARE SO SLOW, JUST TAKE A CRAP – Ooh! Great idea. We should also – SERIOUSLY, GOOOOO POTTY! – grab a drink at that new bar downtown.”

The conversation doesn’t miss a beat, which I think might be odd. Like, if someone walked by and heard this and didn’t see the dog, they would think I was mental, right? Or maybe even if they did see the dog?

Anyway, this whole scenario gets even funnier when Jack and I are having a more serious conversation … you know, one that shouldn’t be littered with screams about fecal matter (as opposed to all the many conversations that should be). It sort of concerns me that Jack doesn’t even notice this happens. I mean, I had to point it out to him how strange it is. I guess he’s just getting used to how weird I am, and that’s probably good. I’ve been holding back the really weird stuff for when we got to this point, so I think it’s about time I can really let loose now…


pistols at dawn said...

It's not a problem until you start yelling at him in the bathroom to poop already, you've got places to go.

Anonymous said...

We've gone from replacing "Good Morning" to "Buffy did 1 and 2; Stella only did 1" or, the more graphic, "How'd they do?" "2 pees, 1 poop."

Lil' Woman said...

Lol...I agree with Pistols...once you start yelling at Jack to go potty you should scale back! :)

Jack and Jill said...

PISTOLS - Excellent point.

JASON - Haha. I totally do this too, and Jack has started as well. Love it.

LIL WOMAN - Duly noted. :-)

Anonymous said...

I used to wonder what my neighbors thought over the fence of my yelling out during rain and snow for the dog to "Go POOP now or I'm taking you in the house. POOP!" I would be amused if they thought I was talking to my husband.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what's worse... That, or me in my backyard yelling at my dog to poop. Ha.

Anonymous said...

Ok Jill, my patience is wearing thin! It's been 8 days, Lady! Get on the ball, already!

-Forever Anon

Jack and Jill said...

SUZE - Are you sure you WEREN'T talking to your husband?

MINDI - I totally do that too. I wonder if they get tired of us? (The dogs, that is)

ANON - Jack is slacking! It's not me!